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Confessions of A Broken Spirit, A Broken and A Contrite Heart – Anonymous

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Confessions of A Broken Spirit, A Broken and A Contrite Heart

October 3, 2020
Anonymous

Psalm 51:17

Father in heaven, the greatest honor in my life is the pleasure of being in Your presence. As I come before Your throne of grace, I enter into Your “gates with thanksgiving and into Your courts with praise.” By Your grace, I “have been saved through faith” in Your Son, Jesus Christ. It is Your precious “gift,” giving me the wonderful and awesome privilege to come before You, to speak with You. Ps 100:4, Eph 2:8
Sometimes, when I stop to think about it, I feel overwhelmed that You would permit me to enter into Your presence before Your holy throne of righteousness. You are the Creator of all things that exist, whether in heaven, throughout the universe or here on earth. It makes me wonder, “Who am I, that You would even care about anything I have to say?” But, as soon as the question enters my mind, the answer comes quickly back to me. “For God so loved the world” and that includes me. Wow! Your grace is truly amazing and overwhelming. Thank You, my Lord. Jn 3:16

Being with You, Heavenly Father, is where I feel safe, protected from the evils and ugliness in this world. You have accepted me not because of who I am or what I have accomplished, but because of who You are, a loving Father. Nothing on earth provides the blessing of real peace that I always experience when I am with You, and “every fountain of delight springs up from Your life within me.” I never want to leave Your presence. Being with You, feeling close to You is where I want to be for all of eternity, but there is a deeper, more intimate relationship with You that You have made possible for me. “As the deer pants for the water brooks, so pants my soul for You, O God. My soul thirsts for” You, “for the living God.” Ps 87:7TPT, Ps 42:2

I want to draw closer to You, Heavenly Father, and do not want my “iniquities” to separate me from You or my “sins” to hide Your face from me, so that You “will not hear.” I confess my sins, sometimes several times a day, because I know You are “faithful and just to forgive” my sins and will “cleanse” me “from all unrighteousness.” Your word assures me that I am forgiven, but it doesn’t seem to be enough. Something is missing in our communion, and our fellowship seems limited. It’s like You are in some other place away from me, where I cannot reach You, and I don’t know where to look to find You. Father, why is there such a distance between us? I know You have not left me, but where and when did I leave You? I want to “draw near to” You, so You “will draw near to” me, and I want to know my Lord Jesus Christ. Isaiah 59:2, 1 Jn 1:9, James 4:8

Heavenly Father, I want to know the heart of my Lord. I want to know His concerns, how He feels, what He thinks, and what He wants for His creation. I want to know how He would help people and how He would minister to them if He could be here in my place, and I want to know how He sees me. I want to know what needs to change in my life, the corrections I need to make, and what I must do to draw closer to Him. I long for the joy of knowing Him, to really know Him. To embrace the blessing of perfect intimacy with Him and to be in harmony with the loving rhythm of His heart are my greatest desires. Heavenly Father, I trust You to show me how to “seek” You and “find” You, when I “search” for You with all my heart. You promised that You “will be found.” You said I can find You because I am searching for You with all of my heart, but there is something standing between us. I know what it is, and I want to do something about about it. Jer 29:13-14

There is too much of me left in me, too much of my flesh remains that must be removed. Just like the Apostle Paul, “I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice.” I know exactly what Paul meant when he said, “O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?. . . I am carnal” just like the Apostle Paul said about himself, and I know that my flesh and carnal nature must be removed. Rom 7:18-19, 24, 14

Lord Jesus, You said, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.” You also said, “For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it.” Please help me understand this. Tell me what to do. Reveal to me how I must “lose” my life for Your sake. This is what I want, what is required of me, what must be done in me, but I don’t know how to do it if You don’t send Your word to guide me. “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path,” and I trust Your word to guide me in what I must do. I am trusting in Jesus Christ as my Savior, and will follow Him as my Lord with faith that “comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” I understand that Your word will be my guide, and I will follow You by faith as You reveal to me what I must do. Lk 9:23-24, Ps 119:105, Rom 10:17

Father, You said I must deny myself, deny “self.” This is the most glaring and deceptive spiritual issue I have wrestled with all of my life. It is unmistakable because I see it clearly. It is also subtly deceptive because “self” is who I am, who I want to be, who I have become. I am self-oriented. Everything that happens around me, to me, in me, for me, with me, or against me is filtered through my “self” awareness, and is how I see myself being personally affected by the issues of life. My focus is on me, and I see it in my interaction with other people and in the meditations of my heart when I am alone. I dwell on how I am being treated by others- if I am accepted, appreciated or respected. This is the problem I see, Heavenly Father, that You are revealing to me by the light of Your word. Lk 9:23

I view the world around me as circumstances relate to my well-being. I question how life experiences affect my peace of mind, and how I am being treated by others. I am happy if I am being treated fairly and with respect, but find myself sulking over adverse circumstances, thinking that I deserve better treatment. Adversity leads me to frustration. My impatience causes me to become irritable. I do not react well when I am mistreated or disrespected. I don’t know how to “love” my “enemies,” and I cannot “bless those who curse” me. I cannot “do good to those who hate” me, or “pray for those who spitefully use” me and “persecute” me. Even though my Lord Jesus Christ has instructed me to do these things, I cannot find it in my heart to respond to adversity this way. For years I have tried to pretend that my carnal nature did not matter and tried to convince myself that my besetting sins were just an expression of my fallen nature and that my soul has been redeemed. Father in heaven, You know that I believe in Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord, and I want to serve Him, to be faithful and loyal to Him, but I cannot live this kind of self-centered life any longer. Matt 5:44

I search my mind and soul, trying to discover any doubtful habits that do not please You, but many times I rationalize my behavior instead of resisting a questionable act. I try to hide from my secret sins, believing that I will be forgiven, but Father in heaven, I do not want to live this life of self-indulgence. “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Ps 139:23-24

Sometimes I am intimidated by other people and try to hide my faults and limitations from them. I have a deceitful disposition, even to the point of being dishonest with myself. I pretend to be something that I am not, just so others will think more highly of me. I may even exaggerate, needing the approval of others, so I am appreciated and respected. In conversations, when a particular subject is being discussed, I become impatient, itching for the next opportunity to express my opinion. I have a need to be heard and recognized for what I have to say, to be admired by others. Father, I am self-centered, and I ask You to “examine me, O Lord, and prove me; try my mind and my heart.” Deliver me, O Lord, from this self-deception, and “let nothing be done” in me “through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind” help me to “esteem others better than” myself.
Ps 26:2, Phil 2:3

It is hard for me to let go of the past hurts and emotional wounds caused by others. I hold a grudge against them, and it seems impossible for me to forget past grievances and misunderstandings. Father, please help me to forgive those who have hurt me and forget the hurtful things that have grieved my mind and soul. Matt 6:12, 14-15

I am frustrated when disturbances interrupt my sense of peace, and I am annoyed when others are rude and uncaring. I become impatient with those who are not punctual and are inconsiderate of my feelings, and I recognize a condemning spirit in me when I observe rude behavior in others. When my feelings have been hurt and my ego is wounded, I feel sorry for myself even though I know that self-pity is simply a secret, a subtle form of pride. Father, help me “not to think of” myself “more highly than” I “ought to think.” I am aware that I have a spirit of pride. I have a secret yearning to be recognized and admired, and I have a secret desire to make a name for myself. My self-seeking spirit reveals itself within me when things don’t go my way. I am unable to accept criticism without seeking retaliation. When I receive correction, even when I am wrong, I sometimes recoil in anger, especially when someone of lesser stature or authority tries to correct me. Resentment rises up in me, and I often retaliate when I am disapproved. My disposition resents being contradicted, and I may respond with hateful, heated words. I become touchy and emotionally sensitive to the slightest provocation or insult. I am easily offended when my assistance and opinions are rejected, or if I am challenged for what I believe. I become defensive and criticize the flaws I see in others, especially if I am unnoticed or overlooked. Father, I admit that I try to build up my ego so I will be admired and respected. Please help me to “bridle” my tongue so that my “own heart” does not deceive me, and teach me to understand that “a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness.” Rom 12:3, James 1:26, Prov 15:1-2

Father, You have revealed to me that I am not completely available to You. I am stubborn, and I realize that my strong self-will and feeling of self-sufficiency create in me an unteachable spirit. I can be unyielding with a headstrong disposition, and I become irritable when my plans and purposes are blocked and my interests are not considered important. I want to serve You, and I try to accomplish a work in Your kingdom, but it is always on my terms. I have rushed ahead of You many times, thinking I was fulfilling Your calling; but in the light of Your word, I was not following Your directions or obeying Your instructions. I was pursuing what I thought was Your will. Many times I stepped out in ministry to do a work for You but did not even consult You about it. I just assumed You would bless itbecause it was a work for You, but You were not in it. I have squandered many opportunities and wasted many years pursuing my own dreams. My plans and purposes have interfered with Your calling upon my life, and now I want to make up for my years of mistakes. I understand that “there is a waythat seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death,” death to Your calling on my life, death to Your plans for me, death to the way You have set before me, and death to my service in Your kingdom. From now on, I will trust in You, my Lord, with all my heart, and lean not on my own understanding; in all my ways I will acknowledge You, and You shall direct my paths. Prov 14:12, 3:5-6

Moses spoke to You “face to face,” heavenly Father, “as a man speaks to his friend.” Being in Your presence changed him so dramatically that Your glory shone on “the skin of his face,” causing Aaron and the children of Israel to be “afraid to come near him.” Is it possible for us today to know You like that, to be so intimate in our fellowship with You that we lose ourselves in Your presence? I know there is nothing I can do to earn Your love, because You already love “the world,”and Your love “was manifested toward us” through Jesus Christ our Lord, but I want to know You as my Father. I don’t want to be a spiritual orphan any longer, thinking that I have to prove myself to You, to perform for you, to accomplish meritorious goals in order to receive Your affirmation. I wasted many years doing these very things, believing that I needed to earn Your favor and approval, but now I want to be Your Son, having complete liberty to dream, to pursue, to seek and search for anything and everything that You inspire me to do. I have never known this kind of freedom from self, realizing that it’s not about me anymore. It’s all about You and who I am in Christ Jesus. A life of intimacy with You, O Lord, is a life of supernatural freedom from the guilt of sin, the shame of defeat, the stress of the world, and the tyranny of worry and anxiety. Ex 33:11, 34:29-30, Jn 3:16, 1 Jn 4:9-10

Father in heaven, Your thoughts are not my thoughts, neither are Your ways my ways. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are” Your ways higher than my ways and Your thoughts than my thoughts. For this reason, I ask You to empower and anoint “the mind of Christ” in me to cast “down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,” so that “the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart” will “be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer.” Please forgive my sins. “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me,” and give me “cleanhands and a pure heart,” so I “may stand in” Your “holy place.” Isaiah 55:8-9, 1 Cor 2:16, 2 Cor 10:5, Ps 19:14, Ps 51:10, Ps 24: 3-4

Your word, O God, is “like a hammer that breaks the rock in pieces,” so I ask You to send the authority of Your word and crush the overt sins that You see in me, and send the “fire” of Your word to incinerate my secret, mental attitude sins. Empower the “sword” of Your word to cut away any vestiges of my flesh and sever the carnal nature that is in me, so I can finish my life better than I lived it Jer 23:29, Heb 4:12

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” I present to you, Holy Father, my body a living sacrifice, to be holy, acceptable to You, my God, which is my reasonable service. I am no longer conformed to this world, being transformed by the renewing of my mind that I may prove “what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Father in heaven, “let this mind be in” me “which was also in Christ Jesus.” It is You who works in me “both to will and to do for” Your “good pleasure.” Gal 2:20, Rom 12:1-2, Phil 2:5, 13

Father in heaven, I pray that You, “the God of peace” Yourself would sanctify me completely, that I would no longer have a mind of my own or the will to follow my own ways, and I pray that my “whole spirit, soul and body be preserved blameless at the coming of” my Lord Jesus Christ. I no longer belong to this world. I am here only to serve You, to love You, to honor You with my life and bring You glory. When I turn my eyes upon You, Lord Jesus, and look full in Your wonderful face, the things of earth grow strangely dim in the light of Your glory and grace. I love you, Lord Jesus. You are the “KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS.” 1 Thes 5:23, Rev 19:16

– Author Anonymous

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