July 29, 2018
I have been feeling lately like something has been hindering my communion with God, as if there has been some kind of interference that has not allowed me to receive His power and strength or to hear from Him clearly in prayer. I have been utterly exhausted and feeling quite ill for many days, and knowing how it feels to be strengthened by the Holy Spirit, I have been bewildered that I have not been experiencing that strength and power, even though I have continued to be in His presence through prayer and the Word. I asked a close friend of mine if she would pray for me and ask the Lord if He has something to tell me about this matter. She told me that I must empty myself of all the world—my fears, my worries, my struggles—and turn them over to the Lord. I was even more bewildered by this, because I had not been convicted by any sins or idols, so I asked the Lord to search me in the words of Psalm 139:23-24: “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!” Then in exhaustion, I fell asleep.
When I woke up, it was like a veil lifted. I laid there on my bed and started to commune with the Lord, and I was hearing Him clarify for me in my spirit what had been hindering me. My close friend who prayed for me is one who is gifted with many vivid visions of being in the presence of the Lord. The Lord made me realize that I was beginning to imperceptibly expect the same—that being closer to God meant experiencing more supernatural communion with Him such as through visions; therefore, I had begun to seek that and expend time and energy in seeking it with little fruit. Yet the Lord was showing me that what I was doing was essentially requesting my inheritance before the time of its maturity. “Let me keep your portion in the bank here so it will reach its fullness of power and glory,” I heard Him say. He reminded me of the Prodigal Son. Through the great mercy and kindness of the Father, this son received his portion of the inheritance, but because he received it early, he had not reached the maturity to deal with it properly, so he squandered it, and when the time of its fullness would have come, he would have none of it. Though he would be blessed through the loving-kindness and grace of the Father to enjoy the presence of the Father and the honor of sonship, yet he would not ever have any of his own inheritance again. This does not mean that we should not expect any of the power of the Holy Spirit, for He has made clear that He has distributed His gifts to His people yet here on earth, but what it does mean is that we should not expect that which God has not chosen for us here and now.
The Lord also reminded me of this truth: “Have you believed because you have seen me [Jesus]? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed” (John 20:29). Why are we blessed to lay hold of the unseen Jesus? “So that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:7). I immediately said to the Lord, “Well then! If my suffering and waiting will result in more praise and honor and glory to you at your appearing, then let it be so!” I have asked the Lord if He would like to speak personally to His people regarding these things, and I have heard Him in my spirit:
Oh, my people, how dull are your hearts and how deaf your ears to understand all the things that the Holy Spirit has for you to understand. You, my people, are a body with many parts! Do you think that the eye can say to the hand, “I have no need of you?” Or is the eye more important than the hand? But every part fulfills its work. My children, do not compare yourselves with one another but encourage one another while it is called “today,” and do not give into the deceitfulness of the devil. You are all one in Christ Jesus! My children, live in harmony with one another and encourage one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching. My children, I have loved you with an everlasting love and I am eager to give to you the Kingdom, but do not think that your inheritance has arrived. Continue to plow the fields and water the seeds so that in their due time, you will reap a harvest, if you do not give up! My children, suffer for me so that I may be your reward. The more you suffer for me and my kingdom, the greater the dividends in heaven! Are you not blessed if you should receive your reward with all the fullness of the dividends? Would you have me to give to you all the blessings prematurely? No, my children, lest you have much less to enjoy in me when we are together in the Kingdom! Rejoice that you are considered worthy to suffer for the Name, for great is your reward in heaven, and do not think that because you suffer you are under chastisement. Rather, consider it discipline to keep you in line, walking the narrow way I have ordained for you—not that I am angry with you or disappointed in you but because I would develop in you maturity and perseverance. My children, be overjoyed, for when your Lord appears, then you will be full of joy at His appearing. If you do not have to wait for your reward, what joy is there in that? And if the trial is not hard and long, what joy is in the reward? Persevere, my children, and do not fear, for I AM truly at the door!
Romans 5:3-5: “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
1 Peter 4:13: “But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.”